(..) Thank you. Let's try again. Hey, Mom. What's the difference between my mother and a bunch of Easter eggs? One gets carried in a basket, the other gets buried in a casket! Ready for one more? Last one. What's the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? (..)

(..) so, seriously, if you wanted me to sit down and let someone else talk, just knock. I will not be offended. No? Your funeral. Sorry about the closed casket, by the way. She wanted an open casket, but, you know, she's dead now, so who cares what she wanted? No, that sounds bad. I'm sorry. (..)