(..) Dr.Eric gablehauser. Mary cooper,sheldon's mom. Now,that's impossible-- you must have had him when you were a teenager. Oh,aren't you sweet. His father's dead. - Recently? - Long enough. Please. (..)

(..) How did you even meet her? She's one of my students. I thought writers hated clichés. I'm not a writer. "Boo-hoo, I got laid off. I guess I'll fuck a teenager." It wasn't like that, okay? You have no idea how shitty it was with Amy... How fucking terrible she made me feel. Flyover boy. (..)

(..) I pay a cashier to call me at work, so the guys think I have a life. My ex-wife is happily remarried. She never calls. And Whitney. Why can she not be a normal teenager? On prom night she stays home to field strip an AK-. She will die a young maid. I am going to buy it soon, too. (..)